Click on the links below to learn more:
Parents are a child’s most important role model and when asked, many children and adolescents stated that they want their parents to be their main source of information.
Education on sexuality can come from a wide range of sources such as school, peers, media and religious institutions. All can provide your children with valuable information however nothing can replace the kind of teaching parents can do. Researchers believe that parents and children have a special relationship that makes the information and attitudes that come from parents more meaningful than those received from others.
Studies show that talking to your child frequently about sexuality throughout their childhood can improve their feelings of self-worth and can also increase the likelihood that they will feel comfortable coming to you for questions or advice later on in life. Studies show that children who feel that they can talk with their parents openly and honestly about sex are less likely to engage in high risk behaviour as teens than kids who do not feel they can talk with their parents about the subject.
Children begin getting sexual messages from the moment they are born, therefore sexual education can begin in infancy. If you haven’t started yet, don’t worry. It’s never too late to start. The most important thing is to be open and available whenever your child wants to talk.
Here are a few teaching suggestions to use at different stages of your child’s development:
Infants
How do you teach an infant about sexuality you may wonder? Keep in mind that sexuality is a life long process and involves more than sexual development and reproductive health; it encompasses interpersonal relationships, affection, intimacy, body image, values and gender roles.
Infants and toddlers learn about sexuality through interactions with their parents, such as the way parents talk to them, dress them, cuddle them and play with them. During these interactions, a parent’s action or expression lets the child know how the parent feels about the body. Positive attitudes lead to learning that the body parts and function are normal and natural. For example, if the parent makes a face when diaper changing or expresses disgust at the feces, the child may internalize these reactions and begin to feel badly or shameful about their genitalia. Researchers suggest that an approving smile during diaper changes can make a difference in how children grow to feel about their bodies.
When your child is a toddler, natural curiosity about the names of body parts and where babies come from are common questions. Being honest and using proper terminology for your child’s body parts are ways to show your child that sexuality is natural and that sexual organs are not something to be ashamed of but rather should be respected and valued in the same way as their other body parts. Words like penis, vulva, vagina and breast should be used the same way as eyes, elbow or stomach. Research shows that using nick names for your child’s body parts may give your child the message that these parts have lesser value than other parts of the body. Part of healthy sexual development is creating a positive body image and feeling comfortable with and appreciating all body parts. By using proper terminology and showing acceptance of your child’s genitals you will help create a positive body image for your child. Also, by being open and comfortable with early talks and questions about body parts you can help pave the way for easier discussions on sexuality when your child is older. Studies show that children would rather their parents teach them about sex, love, and values when they are young and keep the conversation going as they get older.
Puberty can be a scary time for both children and parents. For many parents this is the time that “the sex talk” takes place. It’s a good idea to discuss with your child the changes that happen during puberty before puberty begins so that when changes begin, your child is prepared. Being an approachable parent is important during this stage of life as many different and sometimes scary changes are taking place physically, emotionally, socially, intellectually and spiritually. It is important to let your child know that everyone goes through these changes. Your child may be interested in your experiences during puberty when you were their age. Sharing your experiences with your child can help them see that they are not alone (a common misconception adolescents feel during puberty) and that puberty is a natural process of growing older.
Keep talking to your kids in adolescents about healthy sexuality. Now is the time that they may be experiencing different aspects of their sexuality. Bring up conversations about love, relationships and sex. Advised them of risks and encourage them to set values and limits for themselves. Encourage them to learn about abstinence, birth control and sexual transmitted infections. Discuss with them any myths they may have heard from peers or TV shows. Research shows that teens want to talk with their parents about issues in their lives involving their relationships and sex.
- Show respect, value and love to your child.
- Be a good listener.
- Always be honest and give accurate information.
- Be able to admit that you are not perfect or may not have all the answers to the questions your child is asking.
- Let your children know it’s o.k. to be curious and ask questions. Never laugh when a child asks a question, even in reaction to the child’s cuteness.
- Take initiative if necessary. Use teachable moments to initiate conversations. (For example: if you see your child touching his or her genitals)
- Value diversity and teach your child that being different is normal.
- Be sensitive to your expressions and gestures.
- Be sensitive to picking up cues that your child may want to ask you a question.
- Share your own experiences with your children and let them know that you were once their age and may have experienced similar things they are experiencing now.
Kids are curious. Click here to download a brochure to help you decide how you want to teach your child about sexuality.
For a free "Parent Pack" filled with helpful resources, contact our library at 625-5901 or 1-888-294-6630, ext 5901.
References
American Social Health Association. (2006). Becoming an Askable Parent: How to Talk with Your Child about Sexuality, Informational Brochure.
Health Canada. (2008). Canadian Guidelines for Sexual Health Education.
Kirby, D. & Miller, B. (2002). Interventions Designed to Promote Parent-Teen Communication about Sexuality, New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, no. 97.
Klein, J. et al. (2005). Evaluation of the Parents as Primary Sexuality Educators Program, Journal of Adolescent Health, Vol 37.
Lederman, R. P. & Mian, T. (2003). The Parent-Adolescent Relationship Education (PARE) Program: A Curriculum for Prevention of STDs and Pregnancy in Middle School Youth, Behavioural Medicine, Vol 29.
Newman, R. (2008). It Starts in the Womb: Helping Parents Understand Infant Sexuality, Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Vol 11.
www.talkingwithyourkids.com, online October 10, 2008